SD finally got her phone back this week. DH and I went online with our cellphone provider and signed up for the parental controls for her phone. He and I went through each control and discussed appropriate limitations and such. We decided on the following:
- Block the 17 year olds number, obviously if we find out she is communicating with him through his cousin or anyone else, those people will get blocked as well.
- Allow DH and my cellphone numbers to get through at all times.
- Block all texting and phone calls past 9 PM on school nights.
- Block all data usage and for some reason if she were able to access the internet (which she shouldn't cause I have that blocked seperately), only allow age appropriate sites.
- Maximum of 3,000K text messages per month
Now all these are really duh, but apparently BM texted DH yesterday throwing a hissy fit about the text message limit. Saying it was too high....
Umm...first of all, WE PAY FOR THE MOTHER FING PHONE. Whatever limits WE come up with are NONE OF YOUR FING CONCERN.
Second of all, we don't expect her to actually USE 3k in text messages a month. We all have unlimited. However, we capped it at that because while we don't expect her to use that much, there has been one or two instances where she's texted like 5 or 6k. We thought 3k was a reasonable amount to cap it off at. She really shouldn't be using more than that.
The kid is 13. And FEMALE. She never actually TALKS to anyone on the phone, she just texts. Hell, I use about 2k a month in texts just because I hate talking on the phone. And I'm 31.
The sad thing is that I'm just so irritated over the whole phone issue that I considered just telling DH to just cancel the stupid phone and let BM take it over.
I understand that BM is the kids mother. But, WE pay for this kid to have a cellphone. We don't ask for any reimbursement. We don't deduct it out of her child support. We pay for it because WE want to. We put what WE think are reasonable restrictions on the phone due to SD's recent behavior. In my opinion, I don't think BM gets to question to restrictions since she isn't financially responsible for it.
There is a simple solution BM, if you don't like the phone, take it from her when she walks in the door, set it on the counter and don't let her have it back until she walks out the door again. Simple.easy.tidy. I see people do this day in and day out on both sides of the fence. It just drives BM nuts that she has no control over the phone. She can't freaking stand it.
In the end, I didn't say anything to DH. But honestly, I'm tired. I know BM well enough by now to know that it doesn't matter WHAT we do, if it isn't done to "her" specifications, it's not going to be good enough. Neither DH or I are going to be helicopter parents. We give reasonable restrictions based on a child's actions. Period. That's not going to change. I honestly think a judge would agree with us but what do I know?
