Single White Stepmother

I swear to you guys, I don't have an over-inflated sense of self importance nor is my head swollen with ego.

So when I blog about the following, please understand that I am aware 1) I am not the only person who dyes their hair red on the planet. 2) I am not the only person who has bangs on the planet.

DH and I preach to the kids about the importance of being yourself. About being an individual and not apologizing if your way of thinking/feeling/looking irritates someone else. Never compromise your morals for the benefit of the pack. That sort of thing. Not only do we preach this because DH and I are far from ordinary but I remember growing up and thinking I had to fit in some sort of mold so I would have friends. It took me quite a while to figure out that the people I was trying to mold myself FOR were not necessarily worth my effort.

In addition, BM is very much into the whole "I must conform to what society thinks I should look like/behave/own, etc." She used to be out there and now she tries to be prim and proper and fit in with the "ideal" that is conservative.

To each his own, whatever, but MY big issue is that BM does not have any opinions/thoughts of her own, she conforms to the ideals of whatever man she is with. When she was with DH, she was out there, and far from ordinary. Now that she is with her current man, she conforms to conservative.

Obviously, because of this, we are very big on keeping an open mind (within reason obviously, they are still children) with all the kids. We want them to be individuals and not feel like they have to cave to what society expects them to think/feel/look.

About four months ago, I found a gray hair in the front of my hair. Rather than pull it, I cut myself bangs.

Three weeks later, my step-daughter got her hair cut into bangs.

I dyed my hair back to red in June. Two weeks ago, SD got permission from BM to dye her hair with temporary dye...she dyed it red....

I made the mistake of admitting to DH that it was a little creepy. A little too single white female for me...he got offended. It wasn't my intent to offend, but it does creep me out a little. When I was married before, my ex's step sister decided she wanted to be exactly like me. She started dressing like me, cut her hair like mine, dyed her hair like mine (and I went through about four different haircolors in an attempt to make it stop, didn't work), the whole nine yards.

I know it's supposed to be flattering that she wants to model herself after me, and I apriciate the sentiment, but I want her to be on her own person. I don't want her to think she has to carbon copy me, nor do I think (which is honestly what I expect is REALLY going on) it's healthy for her to model herself after me to piss her mother off. It concerns me basically.

Do I honestly think she's going to single white female me? No. She's 12, I mean I have some sense. Nor do I think that I'm the only red head with bangs that she knows. I just wonder what the reasoning behind this whole transformation is.

And it could be nothing. It could be she didn't even think about me when she decided these things. I could be looking at nothing, just a 12 year old, wanting to be different than what she is. Which is fine.

It's just a little weird...