What I deserve....

(Disclaimer: This post does NOT in any way shape, fashion, or form, mean my marriage is in any hot water or jeopardy or anything else. My marriage is perfectly fine.)

I've survived a whoooooole bunch of needless shit in my life. Shit that one wouldn't wish on their worst enemy.

I was joking with my Mom the other night, that it was a pure fluke that with no therapy, only my pure will, my friends, and my family, have I managed to work through it all and turn out the way I did. Sometimes I'm convinced I'm a badass.

Other times I'm not so sure. The doubt sneaks up and laces into my brain and tries to make me feel like I'm less of a person. That I'm NOT so awesome. I'm NOT as strong as I think I am. I'm NOT so badass....

Sadly, that generally happens when the seasons change from summer to fall. I get nostalgic and sometimes not in a good way.

So I wanted to write this blog for me. For when I get that feeling that I'm not as awesome as I think I am. So I can see and re-affirm in my head what I deserve, because at the end of the day, I DO deserve to have the best. I deserve to be happy. Not because of everything I've been through, but because I'm NOT a victim. Because I worked long and hard to get where I am today and I SHOULD be proud, because I have EARNED my right to be this badass. I have faced the demons and come out on the other side, slightly scarred, but healed on the inside and out. I AM OKAY.


What I deserve.

I deserve to have a love that is fierce. That is long and unending and will never die. I deserve to have a love that doesn't rely on the physical at all times. A love that is just as comfortable on the couch watching a movie as it is in between the sheets. A love that will risk all because they think I, little old me, is worth it all. I deserve friendships that are unwavering. Even over the course of life and time. Friendships that can have intelligent bantering conversations about opposite views and make it through without hurt feelings and heartbreak. I deserve people who will stand behind me, even if I'm wrong, because they love me anyway, and gently nudge me back to the right without ever having to say a word. I deserve a good job. One I enjoy. It may not pay great, and I may not be busy all the time, but it's a good job and I EARNED it. I deserve to have hobbies that I enjoy. I deserve to enjoy my space at home. I deserve to have nice things. I deserve to ENJOY MY LIFE.

That is what I deserve.

And I'm perfectly, 100 percent okay with all of that.